It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
