Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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