bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
