You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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