I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Even my vagina gasped.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
