Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
