I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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