I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
