My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
