it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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