Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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