so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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