The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
