Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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