PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
