I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
