I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
