I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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