Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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