What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
