I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
