The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
