Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
