I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize