I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
