no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
