im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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