Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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