oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
