go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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