Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
