My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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