well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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