you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
