He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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