What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
