We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
