Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
