Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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