census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize