garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
