He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
