just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
