im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
