R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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