I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
