you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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