my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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