we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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