I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
